Always On

Last week was a long week. A hard week. I had topics I could have wrote about, but there was just no motivation… hence this post a week late. This is a feeling any Mom can relate to. This is a feeling that I didn’t fully understand until I was a Mom. The feeling of a having a job, outside of your job that actually makes you money, that never has any vacation. & though at times I feel guilty thinking & just feeling it, I’m here to say it out loud without guilt … the job of being always on, always ready, never resting… is exhausting.

I feel incredibly thankful & blessed to be a Mom to my sweet little boy, but it’s freaking exhausting! Now before I dive too far in, I have to add that my husband is probably the best damn father out there; there’s not a chance in hell that Kai & I would make it day to day without him. I am strong, but I am so much stronger when I’m with him. He cooks for us, he cleans, he grocery shops, he’s handy around the house, he’s ambitious, he spends quality time playing with his son, he reads him books … & that’s just the tip of the iceberg… he’s actually fucking amazing… frequently having me wondering what the hell I even bring to this relationship at times. We all bitch & moan about our significant others, because it tends to be easier to bitch than it is to praise/brag, but truth is I am about as lucky as they come for snagging someone like Zac.

However…

Being a Mom, even with an incredible partner, is still EXHAUSTING! & sometimes you just need to have a good cry about it, because there’s not much else you can do. Your significant other can take your child for a bit when you need some time, & I’m thankful my husband can see it on my face & in my body language when I’m struggling, but the fact remains that your job as Mom is ALWAYS ON. Feeding yourself takes a backseat. Getting just 5 extra minutes of sleep is no longer a possibility. When your breastfed baby wakes in the middle of the night, they don’t want Dad, they want you…. well, a boob attached to you, but nonetheless, something Dad can’t offer. & again, I’m so fricken thankful for all that my husband does for us, but when I have to take the baby because he has to cook or switch laundry, I’m exhausted. How twisted is that? & then there’s women out there who do it all, all by themselves… I literally CANNOT IMAGINE! Calling those women superheroes is the understatement of the year. & then add the fact that I’m doing this with only one child… some are doing this with MULTIPLE, whether it be solo or with a significant other, it’s a lot! & as much as we love our tiny humans…

Truth is: We do not enjoy every single moment of Motherhood. I said it.

I’m overwhelmed when I’m with him. I’m anxious when I’m away from him. I feel guilt for wanting to take a break from him, but then I worry far too much when I do get that break that it’s super short lived. Our society tells us to treasure all of these moments – our society pushes this phrase so hard that every single person in your life undoubtably tells you this every time they see you after you’ve had your first child. “How’s he doing? Is he crawling yet? You don’t want to wish away these moments, they’ll be gone before you know it!” ….. You know what?

FUCK YOU, LINDA!

I know some day I’ll look back at these moments & wish they hadn’t gone so fast – I’ll miss terribly the moments I could snuggle him a bit before laying him down to sleep – hell I already miss these moments as I now have to typically wait for him to be asleep to get these snuggles, unlike those first few weeks as a newborn – but I’m so excited to see him discover new things! I’m excited to see his eyes light up when he realizes he can physically get himself from point A to point B efficiently & fully on his own! Will I enjoy all of the times I have to take away items & move them further out of his reach before they go into his mouth once he can do this? Dreading it actually. But it’s a moment we’ll make it through & some day, look back at & treasure.

See what society needs to talk more about is how we can cherish the Motherhood journey, while still acknowledging the countless challenges that arise at the same time. Because being a Mom is tough. I read an article the other day that hit me hard & I find this quote so relevant…

The definition of Motherhood is [the state of being a Mother.] And sometimes the state of being a Mama is soft, freeing, and leaves you in awe. But sometimes the state of being a Mom is struggling to make it through, crumbling under pressure and crawling on your knees just to find your way. And either of these is OK – no matter which state you find yourself in at this moment.

Mama, if you’re exhausted & need to let out a scream, do it.

Mama, if you’re loving every single moment your tiny human presents you with today, embrace it.

Mama, if you find yourself in a dark place, with tears streaming down your face more often than not, text ‘your person’ & tell them this.

Because at the end of it all, it is rain which brings our bloom. You don’t have to enjoy every moment but rather, make every moment count. Every moment, good & bad, makes you the Mom that you are & that’s the only kind of Mom you need to be. The never-ending, constantly going, always on, job of being a Mom.

You got this Mama!!

Yours truly, with yawns of exhaustion,

Lynsie

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