Why not hit it hard & start out as real as it gets – The postpartum body. I feel like it’s something that sure is talked about, but not talked about in a real enough light. When does our body become our body again?
I chose the route of breastfeeding, for the obvious reasons – bonding, finances, & let’s just be honest, the hope that my body would bounce back a little quicker. Don’t get me wrong, I love the bond that breastfeeding has given me with my son, but it has been 13 months since my body has felt like my own body. 9 months I spent growing a human, only to birth him & still have my body be his. Breastfeeding has maybe helped me bounce back a little but I think I’m finally starting to grasp the fact that my body will never be what it was before. But am I happy about that? Not at all.
As females, we’re never fully happy with our appearance – I wasn’t happy before I was pregnant & I’m not now. Funny enough, I think I felt the most confident when I was 40 pounds heavier. “But how can you have so much hatred for the body that grew that beautiful baby boy?” …cue the Mom-guilt (that’s a post for another day.) But when I started thinking about the idea of a Mom Blog, I decided I was either going to go all in & be as raw/honest as possible or I wasn’t going to do it at all. So here it is…
I understand what my body did, but it still disgusts me when I look at it. Women’s bodies are absolutely incredible, no doubt, but why does there need to be such a focus on them? There’s postpartum workouts, postpartum swimsuits, postpartum pants/shirts/dresses, & the list goes on … there’s postpartum everything! That alone says “your body is different now.” Yet we’re told all these things about how beautiful, amazing, & strong it is … how it’s still the same body, it just looks a little different? If it truly was the same body, there wouldn’t be so many categories of postpartum products. See what I’m saying? But what rubs me the wrong way the most, is how postpartum is portrayed with these products.
(Disclaimer: I know the following is not always true, but for the times that it is true, this is what this rant/post is in reference to.) To empower Moms & their new bodies… to give them confidence… we showcase women who have probably never gone through the 9 months of pregnancy or just have seemingly perfect bodies. These women are equally beautiful, I’m not shaming them, but have their bodies gone through the 9 months that ours have? Do their bodies have the tiger stripes, wiggles, jiggles, lumps & bumps? No. I know that my fellow blogger is likely going to bring more humor to this blog than I will but with my first post, I want to be as raw & unfiltered as I can be. Because this is not what I think of when you say postpartum body ….
But this… this is what I think of when you say postpartum body…
The rolls … the tiger stripes … the moments where you look down & wonder if there’s even a vagina down there anymore or if it’s just blobs of fat LOL! That’s what the postpartum body is. But what do you do?
I’ve sat around for 4 almost 5 months, feeling sorry for myself. I wish this was a post about how I’ve now found this new confidence & how I don’t care anymore but it’s not. The truth is that the postpartum body sucks. It truly fucking sucks. & that’s just the unfiltered, raw, cold hard truth.
There are some Mamas who have found the time to fit a daily workout into their schedule. They eat well & during their whole pregnancy, they’re bound & determined to have the best postpartum body ever. If you’re one of those Mamas, good for you! Seriously, YOU GO MAMA! But that isn’t me. It’s not where I’m at right now & honestly, who knows if it ever will be. “So quit complaining if you’re not going to do anything about it.” … I know someone out there is thinking it. & everyone out there is entitled to their own opinions. But I will never look like Ms Tummy Control up there. My body… my hips, chest, butt… is not built like that. My body is a “postpartum body.”
So let’s quickly revisit the initial question: when will our body be our body again?
My answer: Never. I think there might be moments again where I feel like this body is partially mine, but I 100% believe that this body of mine will never be 100% mine ever again. It’s like once soil produces a tomato plant, it becomes a garden – it’s never “just soil” ever again.
I’m thankful for what my body has done, but I hate it at the same time, & what I’m learning is that that is okay. I’m thankful my body is producing milk to nourish my son, but I hate the time & commitment that goes into it… & that’s also okay. I love being a mother, it’s my favorite title by far, but I don’t always like it; it’s exhausting. It’s okay to love & dislike something at the same time.